Choosing to love

I talked to a few of my friends about this concept.  The concept of choosing to love someone. It's not making or forcing yourself to love that person but it's choosing to - let me explain.

When you enter a romantic relationship  it's because you FEEL love. You feel the butterflies, you feel the air leaving your lungs every time you see them and you start hyperventilating, you get the sweaty palms. the accelerating heartbeat, the adrenaline running through your veins, I could go on. Point is, you FEEL it. The feeling is there, but what happens after a year or two maybe three? All those feelings I just listed are gone. You no longer get the sweaty palms, you stop hyperventilating and so forth. So, is it that you are out of love?

And that's where I believe choosing to love someone comes in. I don't believe the love is gone just because you don't feel the mushy stuff. I'm not a marriage counselor, but I have talked to a few of them and some pastors about this concept and they agree.  I strongly believe this concept should be applied especially in marriages, and it's because it's not that I believe a lot of marriages don't work out.

Marriage scenario - You both begin to argue. He says some pretty hurtful things, you do too. Words are thrown around carelessly. "I hate you. You're an idiot. My father was right about you." So now tell me, Do you feel love for him or her now? I bet all the mushy stuff evaporated, huh? What's stopping you from leaving and cheating? I believe it's the choice of loving them. You don't feel love at that moment but it's the choice of loving them that keeps you faithful. Love matures and you won't always feel it. It's deeper than butterflies, and when things are difficult it's a choice.

My friend and I discussed that maybe this concept could only work in arguments, but then realized quickly that it's not so.

Beginning scenario - Feelings change. They do. "I don't know about you, but I'm just that type of person that I wake up and I'm certain about something, and the next day I wake up and I'm not so certain anymore." - is what a friend told me and I agree.  I'm the same way.  I know that in relationships there are going to be some days you wake up and say to yourself,  "There's no other person I'd rather be with." and the next day wake up and think, "Do I really want to be with this person? Do I even love them or care?"  What happens when you do wake up to that second feeling? You have two choices, you can leave and possibly risk the chance of FEELING different tomorrow, or you can choose to love that person that day regardless of how you're feeling. Hey could be the pizza from last night that's causing all these feelings to go haywire.


My situation-  I'm talking to this amazing man. He's smart, sweet, funny, witty, handsome, you know, the whole package. The only problem is that he lives in a different state. There are days I feel those stupid butterflies and times when he'll say something and I'm blushing, but then there are days when I'm severely lonely and want to hug him or  be in his arms, but it's not possible. Even though I feel lonely even when those butterflies fly away I choose to still care. I choose to still wait. It's a difficult situation but I know I have love for this guy and the disappearance of the "butterfly feeling" won't change what I know. And what I know is that at the moment there is no other man I would rather be talking to. What I know is that at the moment there is no other man I would rather show my love to. What I know is that I'd take a bullet for him....in the arm, or leg.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that feelings totally vanish, but maybe those feelings that had made you believe you were in love will. The feeling of your heart racing when you see them every time, or the 101 ways of saying hello racing through your mind at 100 mph will possibly leave. It's what I said before love matures. It's no longer those butterflies, and when you're in a tight situation in a relationship it turns into a choice.


Summary - Don't make decisions based on how you feel because it'll change. Base them off of what you know. Even when you don't feel it just choose to. Make sense?